Rory McIlroy Wins the U.S Open, Leaves the Club

With Rory's win he achieves redemption (kinda) on his Masters fourth round fiasco. After coming close in the past two majors (led after 18 holes at St. Andrews, and, of course, after three rounds in the Masters) he finally has his well-deserved first major championship... and I couldn't be happier for him. And he did it in dominating fashion, notching the lowest score in U.S Open History (a little unfair to Tiger Woods who notched that -12 at Pebble Beach, a much much much tougher course than Congressional, in the 2000 version of the U.S. Open). Anywho, with this first major championship title, Rory says goodbye to members of the "Holy shit, that person/franchise/city needs a title" Club.

This club has two separate categories: 1) Players/Coaches/Franchises/Cities (we'll just start calling them "members" because typing players/coaches/franchises/cities if just effin' annoying) who are finished playing/done coaching/no longer exist/no longer have teams (goddammit!) and will have to accept the fact that they will never get that championship and 2) Members who are still able to get the championship and are on the brink (or so we think) of leaving the Club.

Most Famous Cases of Category #1:

1. Elgin Baylor, L.A Lakers- Elgin was one of the top five best players, playing with another top five player (Jerry West), during the 60's, but was never able to take down Russell's Celtics. Elgin played in 8, I repeat EIGHT, NBA Finals (seven against the Celtics), but couldn't win a single one of those. Four of those eight series went to 7 games. Elgin was a Frank Selvy 12-foot jumper (from his favorite goddamn spot!) in '62, Wilt being a pussy and sitting himself out for the final 5 minutes of Game 7 in '69, and Willis Reed coming back from a torn right thigh in '70 from winning at least three NBA Titles. It's only fitting that The Lakers would proceed to win their first title since the Mikan days in '72, the very muthafreakin year that Elgin retired 9 games into the season!
2. Ted Williams, Boston Red Sox- Teddy Ballgame's career was right smack-dab in the middle of the Red Sox Curse (which wouldn't be reversed until 2004, 44 years after his final season). We often forget that Ted's Sox never won a World Series because of all his personal achievements (ie. two MVPs, hit over .400 in 1941, won the triple crown twice, etc.). In Williams' only World Series appearance in 1946 he batted an abysmal .200 as his Red Sox lost to Stan Musial's Cardinals. It isn't really his fault that he didn't win a ring because baseball is such a collective team sport, but when Ted's one opportunity struck, he failed to cash in.
3. Dan Marino, Miami Dolphins- Marino led the league in yards five times, touchdowns three times, and quarterback rating once (his terrific 1984 "sophomore" season in which he won the NFL's triple crown: Quarterback Rating, Touchdowns, Yards. He also led the Dolphins to a 14-2 record). Marino won the MVP in that incredible 1984 season, and even led the Dolphins to the Super Bowl, but Joe Montana and San Fransisco stepped in the way of Marino's Super Bowl Dreams. He never reached the Super Bowl again.

There's the big three from each of the major American sports (except hockey). Many could argue Karl Malone over Elgin Baylor. But the Mailman's Jazz was clearly inferior to Jordan's Bulls. Jordan's teams deserved to win in '97 and '98. In multiple years, L.A was just as good, if not better, than the Celtics. Elgin faced the Celts in three NBA Finals Game 7's. He lost in OT in '62, by two in '66, and by two again in '69 where he could have/would have won if Wilt's fricking vagina didn't start hurting! Also many people could argue Barry Sanders for the NFL. And you know what, I agree. He was the best player to never win a championship in the history of the NFL. But the running back doesn't have nearly as big of an influence as the quarterback. The running back doesn't lead the offense, call audibles, rush his team to the line, manage the clock, etc. That is my defense.

Category #2:

1. Lee Westwood, PGA Tour- It feels like Lee has been in the running in every major of the last two years. To list his recent finishes: 2010 Masters- 2nd, 2011 U.S Open- 3rd, 2010 Open Championship- 2nd, 2009 PGA Championship- 3rd. Just wait your turn Lee, just wait your turn.
2. Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns- Nash has basically everything but a ring. He has two MVPs, multiple all-stars, but can't seem to grab that elusive NBA Finals victory. Time is running out for Nash; could he pull an Oscar Robertson, Julius Erving, or most recently Jason Kidd by winning a title late in his career as the second-hand man (these three were the wingmen to Abdul-Jabbar, Moses Malone, and Nowitzki respectively)? I sure hope so.
3. Novak Djokovic- Yeah, yeah, yeah I know Djokovic won the Aussie Open this year but I don't really count that one. It's by FAR the least significant major in tennis. Every one-person sport has the token "lame major competition." In tennis it's the Australian Open because it's just like that U.S Open only the U.S Open is in America, making it more badass. The French Open has the unique clay court, and Wimbledon, well... it's Wimbledon... it's the granddaddy. In golf it's the PGA Championship. It tries to be America's championship but just ends up being the U.S Open's bitch, like that underachieving little brother that gets worse grades, isn't as funny, and doesn't excel in sports as much as his older brother. In horse-racing it's the Belmont Stakes. People watch the Kentucky Derby because, well... it's the Kentucky Derby. People watch the Preakness because the triple crown opportunity is still alive. But once the triple crown threat dies (like it typically does), people are through with horse racing and we have to wait until next summer. Anyways, that's what the Australian Open is like, the Belmont and the PGA Championship. So once Novak wins a real Grand Slam, he can leave the Club. And I think he will. At least I hope he will.
4. Cliff Lee/Roy Halladay, Philadelphia Phillies- Cliff and Roy the two most dominant pitchers in the MLB, and they're on the same damn team! Each has at least one Cy Young Award and Cliff has been to the World Series once already. If the Phills don't win this year, then I won't know what to do or say. They easily have the best overall team (all things considered) and the most dominant starting five the game has seen since the Smoltz, Glavin, Maddox Braves era.
5. The City of Cleveland- So there, I had to write that whole sequence of "members" for one freakin team! Not a single championship in baseball, basketball, or football. In basketball, there's "The Shot," Michael Jordan's soul-crushing jumper at the buzzer to beat Cleveland in Game 5 in a best of 5 series in the 1989 playoffs. In football, there's "The Fumble," where Browns RB Earnest Byner fumbled on the two yardline in a play that was going to potentially tie the score and send it to OT in the 1987 AFC Championship. Instead the Browns lost and all of Cleveland proceeded to cut off their wee-wee's with a stapler. In the 2000s, the Indians have to say goodbye to Cliff Lee, C.C Sabathia, and Manny Ramirez as bigger markets pluck them away. LeBron has been Cleveland's best chance at a title ever but management squandered away that opportunity by giving the King 50 year old Y ballers to work with. Who knows, maybe Kyrie Irving/Derrick Williams/Enes Kanter/Brandon Knight can turn Cleveland back into a contender... but I doubt it. If I was a Cleveland fan, I'd get the weiner-cutting stapler ready, because I can just see the Cavs selecting that Lithuanian scrub with the first pick and Enes Kanter with the fourth. I hate European players because they never pan out. But that's a post for another day...

What We Know About Dallas and Miami Going Into Game 6

The Big Three:

1. Other than the controversial charge taken by Tyson Chandler (and no one even blames the refs for such a close play like that), the officiating has been excellent. Except for Joey Crawford (bald white guy), recipient of my "Most Gullible Official Award" for the sixth consecutive year. Seriously, if I got a nickel for every time Crawford calls a "phantom foul" when LeBron, D-Wade, or Dirk flounder about like someone just hammered a nail through their sphincter, I'd be a rich man. But even despite Crawford's presence, every game has been decided by the players. In no game thus far have I thought, "Dang, the refs really bent Miami/Dallas over in that one." Let's keep it this way.
2. Every time Chris Bosh gets the ball with a wide open lane to the basket, he does the same two-handed jam. Even though it's so repetitive, it never gets old and always looks cool.
3. We finally have the answer to every basketball fan's question: "If Bill Russell played today, how effective would he be?" A certain someone on the Heat is Bill Russell. His name is Joel Anthony. Anthony rebounds like a machine, uses his left-handedness to block the shots of right handers, and is an immovable force in the defensive paint. Yes, I know what you're thinking: "There's no way Joel fricking Anthony is as good as Bill Russell." And you're right. If Russell was born when Anthony was born and grew up playing the type of basketball that Anthony played, he would have a more modernized, effective game than when he actually played. What I'm saying is: take Bill Russell as he was from 1957 and place him in today's game. He will not be able to sit in the lane (defensive three seconds protects that) and block shots of smaller players like he did, he will have to elevate higher to block the shots of more athletic, black slashers like LBJ and K-Dur (not unathletic white guys like Dolph Schayes and Clyde Lovelette. Seriously, look at any action shot of a white basketball player from the 50's and 60's and notice how they never elevate more than 3.5 inches off the ground), and he will have to adjust to more leniency with offensive players bulldozing their way through defenders and somehow the foul being called on the defense (an evolutionary basketball trait that kills me. I miss the good ole days when you didn't have to be standing completely still and get trampled by a driving winger to get an offensive foul call). In Russell's defense, if he was born in the 80's and grew up playing modern basketball (1984 - present), he would adapt to the evolutions of the sport and still be one of the best defenders/rebounders/shot-blockers in our game's history. But if you take Russell as he was and place him in this Miami/Dallas series, he is about as effective as Joel Anthony (only Russell has a higher basketball IQ), who is actually pretty efficient.

Look at their feet. 5 inches tops, and even that is a generous listing. The three guys in the center from left to right: Ed Kalafat, Harry Gallatin, Clyde Lovellette. Never in a million years will three guys named Ed, Clyde and Harry be on a basketball floor at the same time in today's game.

Other facts:

1. Mario Chalmers is cool as shit, hitting timely threes and trotting back on defense like a badass (it should also be noted that he is hands-down the hottest guy in the NBA...).
2. The Mavericks aren't completely Dirk-dependent; they can still carry the load when their star isn't doing his best (eg. "Fever Game").
3. LeBron needs to step up his game in the fourth quarters unless he wants to be remembered like Karl Malone. Was Karl called the "Mailman" because he always delivered, or because he always "mailed it in" whilst the game was on the line? There's something to ponder.
4. This is one of the most tightly matched Finals in recent memory, a PPG average difference of 1.9.
5. Late in games, D-Wade is trying to take over (and consequently falling short), LeBron is deferring to teammates too often, and Dirk can't be stopped when he attacks the rim.
6. The Finals just aren't the same without Brian Scalibrine :(
7. The Heat is still in it. Remeber, NEVER DOUBT KING JAMES.
8. The Mavs have the advantage, NEVER COUNT OUT KAISER DIRK.

Happy Finals everyone. No matter how the season ends, it's been a good year for the NBA.

Dallas Erases a 15 Point Deficit on the Road... Again!

Game 2 of the NBA Finals was C-R-A-Z-Y. Miami's big three of LeBron, Wade, and Bosh (otherwise known as "LeWosh") combined for about 12 electrifying dunks, but just one came in the fourth quarter and that was with about ten minutes left in the game. Under a minute to go in the fourth quarter, Dallas tied the game with a scratch-and-claw comeback (reminiscent of Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals between Dallas and OKC) that lasted nearly six minutes in which Miami only scored two points. Dirk took over in the final minute and the rest was history.

The story of the game doesn't really start until the end of the third quarter. Pivotal plays by Dallas/Blunderous Plays by Miami during this final stretch:

• Down 8 with 2:30 left in the third, Dirk deflects two errant passes (one from Mike Bibby, the other from LeBron James) into the hands of other Mavs which both result in scoring possessions. Miami's lead is cut to a manageable 4 points to begin the final period.
• After a 13-0 run by the Heat, Rick Carlisle calls a full timeout and inserts Tyson Chandler into the game for JJ Barea to get his team back on track defensively with 7:13 left. The new Dallas lineup holds Miami to a grand total of 5 points for the rest of the game. This was arguably the most successful coaching move in NBA Finals history. It goes without saying that Carlisle gives mind-blowing CJ's (coaching jobs)?
• Not including D-Wade's desperation shot at the buzzer, Miami shoots an ungodly nine threes in the last period... making only one of them.
• Up by two with a fresh shot clock and approaching a minute left in the game, Udonis Haslem attempts a shot but gets the ball tipped and stolen away by Jason Terry (instead of passing it back out and running down the shot clock for a dagger by LeWosh). The turnover leads to a Nowitzki layup to even things up.
• With the game tied and 26 seconds lift, Haslem (defending Dirk) goes under!!! the screen by Chandler and Nowitzki drains the shot to put Dallas up by a triple. Why on God's beautiful, lush, green earth would you go under the screen on a man who has thrived in the clutch this postseason and is eclipsing the 50% mark from downtown in these playoffs?! That's like playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and hoping that the gun will jam or something.
• Dirk hits the game-winning lefty layup using his reverse spin-hesitate-and-go move from the left elbow. When Dirk pulls that schnike, it's indefensible. Don't blame Bosh, Miami. Blame the basketball gods.

*Note: Give Spoelstra credit for unintentionally drawing up the perfect play to get Chalmers (Miami's hottest triplet shooter) wide open in the corner for a game-tying three*

So Dallas returns home having stolen home-court advantage, momentum, and all the swagger away from the Heat. But, don't give up on your team yet, South Beach. Because as I learned the hard way on Tuesday, never count out King James... never.

Follow-up on yesterday's calls (Game 1's of Stanley Cup Finals and NBA Finals)

Stanley Cup Finals Game 1 Final Score: Bos 0, Van 1

My prediction was relatively accurate. I called the shutout, Alex Burrows was a jerk in typical Burrows fashion (he cemented his title as "Biggest Douche of the 2011 Stanley Cup Playoffs" by literally BITING Patrice Bergeron's thumb. WTFFFFF!!!!), and Kesler had a huge game, creating the one and only goal late in the third by poking the puck away from a Boston defender into Vancouver's attacking zone and setting up the eventual goal by Raffi Torres (Kesler got the secondary assist). Kesler was a monster on the forecheck and created many chances for Vancouver.

While the Sedins failed to light the lamp, they used their creativity to manufacture many should-have-been-goals, including one rip by Henrik that careened off the post. And if Vancouver had scored with 1:18 left instead of :18 left, believe me, Burrows would have scored an empty-netter (he was on the last shift that killed off the final seconds).

NBA Finals Game 1:

The real game assassinated my prediction. An important lesson was learned in game 1, never count out the King (and Mario Chalmers for that matter). It seemed like every time Miami needed a big bucket to right the ship, LeBron was there with a bone-crushing three or an exclamation point play/dunk. Lots of credit must be given to Mario for sinking two huge shots from downtown late in the first half. Twice when Dallas was surging, Chalmers calmly drained a three to stifle their run. Without those threes, Dallas would have been up by 6-9 going into the half, leaving the Heat demoralized and the Mavericks energized; instead Dallas only held a one-point lead.

Bron went 4-5 from three and 9-16 overall. His biggest shot was the three that beat the buzzer to end the 3rd quarter. It killed Dallas's confidence, got the crowd fired up, and set the tone for the rest of the game.

Qualms from the game:

• B.S call of the night- Mid-way through the first quarter LeBron dives on the floor to grab a loose ball (good hustle), gets to his knees (okay, still fine), then clearly and blatantly stands up without starting his dribble (even the refs at the Jewish Community Center 5-year-old league call that a walk!). He then proceeds to plow his right shoulder into a vertical Nowitzki, drains the shot and Dirk gets whistled for standing in the same spot with his hand up straight. It's a good thing this didn't happen in the 4th or I would have gone crazy.
• The introductions. Miami's PA announcer makes my ears bleed every time he said something into the mic. He prolongs every word that doesn't need to be prolonged. "Fans, stand up and cheer for your Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeastern Conference Champions, the Miamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat."

Y Moment of the Week

The rules for the way we play basketball at the Green Hills YMCA are simple: play to 24, go by two's and three's, the person fouling or the person being fouled calls the foul, and you can't try too hard or else you look like a gargantuan douche.

So yesterday I was there and my team was down 18-9. Game over, right? WRONG!!! The game's never over when Clutch Connolly's in the building. Anyways, our team storms back to take the lead 18-19 led by this kid Trey's fast break points via my outlet passes. Then the guys on the other team score two quick buckets to retake the lead 22-21.

Our ball-handler dribbles up the court and dishes it to me on the right wing. Now I've got this insanely annoying try-hard defending me so I think, "Okay, I'm going to end this right here in this guy's face and teach him a little lesson about trying too hard at the Y." I call for a screen on the baseline side of me (normally not preferred when you're on the wing but i was shooting better going to my right that day). THE GUY GOES UNDER THE SCREEN! I pull up after one quick dribble, fade a little, and let it fly only it was the smoothest feeling shot I've ever taken. The ball glides through the air, everyone's watching, even the little kid with the bowl-cut in the corner stops picking his nose for a moment as the pumpkin nails the BRAD zone (back rim and in) and goes through the hoop. Game over.

Why the Mavericks win the title

Dirk Nowitzki, my friends, that is why.

This ESPN video explains it all (don't watch past 1:48 because the Bird comparison is ridiculous but pay very close attention to :47. That part is the key).

A beautiful video.

Today's Calls: Stanley Cup Finals Game 1, NBA Finals Game 1

Stanley Cup Finals Game 1 (Wednesday): Boston Bruins at Vancouver Canucks

Roberto Luongo, riding the energy of the crowd, shuts down the Bruins in net for Vancouver. Vancouver's stars show up as Ryan Kesler plays big and the Sedins team up for a goal. Alex Burrows, being the douche that he is, ices the game with an empty-netter. For Boston, Chara is a no-show and Thomas gets little help from the defense, while the offense fails to get going this game (similar to Vancouver's Game One of the Second Round, where they completely shut down my Predators). Boston's only chance is Tim Thomas becoming Patrick Roy in net and the offense scoring off a crappy deflection of a Chara slapper.

Predicted Final Score: Bos 0, Van 3

NBA Finals Game 1 (Tonight): Dallas Mavericks at Miami Heat

Dirk, fired up for his first game in the Finals in six years, has a whale of a game, scoring over thirty and shooting better than 50%. The Mavericks have a consistent 6-point lead throughout with a few sporadic runs by the Heat, but Shawn Marion keeps LeBron under control and Bron-Bron and Wade fail to find their jumpers. Bosh gets nothing on Chandler and Dirk, and Miami's bench and role players get seriously out-worked by the more determined Mavericks bench. Dirk ices the game with late free throws to stretch the final difference to the 8-11 range and the Mavericks steal a game in Miami for their ferocious owner Mark Cuban.

Predicted Final Score: Dal 103, Mia 92